[FRANK]: I'm your friendly green coat, And I welcome you to Bernie's Holiday Camp! One day and you'll be happy, It 's Bernie you will thank. You must be little Tommy. Well, call me Uncle Frank. [FRANK]: Welcome you too, Mrs. Walker, [TOMMY]: Didn't know I had an Uncle Frank? I've never met him have I? [FRANK]: Here you'll always find a helping hand! [TOMMY]: Look there, Mom, a cage of budgies, a swimming pool and donkey rides, all free! [FRANK]: The camp with the extras. I'm in chalet number eleven. [TOMMY]: It's all free, Mom! [FRANK]: If you come to Bernie's, you might think you're in Heaven! [FRANK]: Here we have the winner, folks! Have you ever seen a lovelier pair? What a shapely ankle! What a perfect shin! If you could feel this silken thigh, You'd know who has to win! If you could feel this silken thigh, You'd know. [MRS. WALKER]: You don't know how much I've missed To feel a man again, To dance, to kiss. [FRANK]: Your eyes reveal: You're lovely. [MRS. WALKER]: This evening must pass slowly. Until we're one, my heart won't rest. Will Tommy share our happiness? [FRANK]: Of course he will I'll make him smile [MRS. WALKER]: You don't know how much I've missed [FRANK]: I'll take him out to cinemas and fairs [MRS. WALKER]: to feel a man again, to dance, to kiss. [FRANK]: Football and cricket. There'll never be a happier lad. I'll be more than an uncle; I'll be just like a Dad! [TOMMY]: I will be a green coat too, And when I'm big, I'll own a Holiday Camp! A camp with a difference, Always be good weather. When you come to Tommy's, The holiday's forever! [MRS. WALKER]: I'm glad you like your Uncle Frank. He'll surely love you too Just like a Dad. [TOMMY]: He's very nice, I think. Did he fight in the War? [BOTH]: When he's got his green coat on, I love him even more.