Tom: Am
Em
When my roommate comes into the room
G A
Looking for his car keys
Em G A Em
I don't say it yet
Em
And when he gets me off the couch
G A Em
To check underneath the couch cushions
Em G A Em
I don't say it yet, no
Em
And then when he says out loud
G A
"I wonder where my car keys are"
Em G A
I still don't say it (I still don't say it yet)
Em
But then he asks me
G A
"Do you know where my car keys are"
Em Am
I look at him in his face and I say
[Chorus]
N.C. Em A
Have you checked your butthole?
G E
Ski-dap, ba-dap, butthole
Em
I have not seen your keys, but since you're askin' me
Em
You better check up that butthole
Em
Of course I'm not serious
G D
I don't think it's up inside your big brown business
Em
But a funny thing to say
Em G Am
To someone who's lost their shit and is stressed out visibly
[Verse 2]
Em
When I see the best man start to sweat
Em G A Em
I don't say it yet (Ski-dap, ba-dap)
Em
When I see that little ring bearer cunt
G Am Em
Getting yelled at by his mum (Ooooooh)
G Am
I still don't say it
Em G
When I see the groom asking the vicar
D Em
If they can wait just another fifteen minutes
Em Am
I do not say it (Ski-bap, ba-dow)
Em
And when the father of the bride
G A Em
Starts organizing an ad-hoc emu bob of the courtyard area
G Am
I want to, but I do not say it
Em
It's the eleventh hour
Em A Em
With three-hundred congregates under God's roof
Em
The vicar approaches the mic
G A
And suddenly, all of the chatter goes mute
Em
He says that they've misplaced the rings
G D
Could anyone possibly know where they are?
Em Am N.C.
I know it's my time as all heads turn as I stand and say, "Vicar"
[Chorus]
N.C. Em
Have you checked your butthole?
Em
Ski-dap, ba-dap, butthole
Em
I have not seen your ring, but have you checked your ring?
D
And by ring, I mean butthole
Em
Love is patient, love is kind
Em Gm Am
But if you ask me where you can find
Em
Literally anything you've lost before
Em Gm Am Em
I'm gonna suggest that it's up your butthole
[Bridge]
Em
"Where's my phone?" Is it up your butthole?
Em
"I lost my loan," have you checked up your butthole?
Em
"I'm losing my patience," check your anus
G
"Where's your class?" I think it's stuck up your ass
Em
"I just lost my grandma"
C
Oh my god, I'm so sorry
Am
"Are you capable of not saying she's up my asshole?"
Em
Of course, my condolences
G
"I'm not looking for a silly joke right now"
N.C.
Yeah, yeah... what are you looking for?
N.C.
"Honestly, just like, a shoulder to cry—"
[Chorus]
KEY CHANGE - HALF STEP (can move capo up one fret and play as previous)
N.C Fm
Have you checked your butthole?
Bb
Ski-dap, ba-dap, butthole
Fm
Maybe you'll find your dead grandma up there too
Fm
Oh, I fuckin' got you, butthole
Fm
My family hate me
Bb Fm
This might be the reason that I've got no close friends
Bb
Fuckin' worth it, baby
