Tom: E
E Ab
This is a song for Phil Daoust:
A C B
occasional Guardian Newspaper journal-oust.
E Ab
I never ever ever mentioned your name,
A B
or the review that you wrote, when I was new to this game.
C#m C#m/C
But now the time has come,
C#m/B C#m/Bb
I think I've dealt with my feelings at last.
F#m
I really wanna forgive ya Phil,
B A B
yeah I wanna put the past in the past-a
E Ab
Oh and as this is such a big tour,
A C B
I thought I outta take the opportunity.
E Ab
'Cause there's a pretty good chance somebody out there will know you,
A B
Maybe they would pass on a message for me.
C#m C#m/C C#m/B C#m/Bb
Just wanna say, Phil Daoust, occasional Guardian Newspaper journal-oust,
F#m
That it's been three years since you wrote it,
Abm
and time is very healing.
A
But I still wanna cut big chunks of flesh out of your stupid face
B
and make your children watch while I force you to eat them.
A B
Yeah I wanna make your children watch you eat your own face-meat.
E B
Ding Dang Ding Dang Dong,
C#m Abm
This is my Phil Doust Song,
A E
Everybody sing along,
A
La la la la la la la,
B E
I hope one of your family' members dies.
B
Phil, Ding Dang Dong.
C#m Abm
I've written you this special song,
A E
to help you get the attention -
A B
you obviously, desperately lack.
E Ab
And I know that you're a smart man,
A C B
and with such a fine mind, I guess it has to be hard-
E Ab
To resist throwing narcissistic, intellectual
A B
tantrums in the supermarket isles of your self-regard.
C#m C#m/C C#m/B C#m/Bb
Just wanna say, Phil Daoust, I know it must be really hard to be a journal-oust.
F#m Abm
While a deadlines always looming, and the pressure to be entertaining.
A B A
So maybe you should quit and get a job that you'd be better at - like killing
yourself, you fucking cunt.
E B
Ding Dang Ding Dang Dong,
C# Abm
This is my Phil Doust Song,
A E
Everybody sing along,
A
Tra la la la la la la,
B E
I hope something you love catches on fire.
B
Phil, Ding Dang Dong.
C#m Abm
I've written you this special song,
A E
to show how far I've come along -
A B
in my efforts to be more mature in the face of negative feedback.
You fucking poo-face.
