There are rats there are bats There are stinky mangy cats But the worst thing in the world is a lawyer. There are weasels there are skunks There are bandits there are punks But the worst thing in the world is a lawyer. With their quips and their quiddities Their fees and their contingencies... There are lice there are mice There are lots of things not nice But the worst thing in the world is a lawyer. With their 'res ipso locuter' And their 'respondeat superior' Yes the worst thing in the world is a lawyer. There's thrombosis, halitosis and there's diverticulosis But the worst thing in the world is a lawyer. Diarrhea, gonorrhea and seborrhea But the worst thing in the world is a lawyer. With their proximate causes and their escape clauses Yes the worst thing in the world is a lawyer. With "affirmative defenses" - I would rather see a dentist. There are rats there are bats There are stinky mangy cats But the worst thing in the world is a lawyer. There are weasels there are skunks There are bandits there are punks But the worst thing in the world is a lawyer. With their quips and their quiddities Their fees and their contingencies Yes the worst thing in the world is a lawyer.