What is this feeling I've got in my head It's filled up with poison, it's all in the red What is there left when I'd rather be dead and I don't know what to do. Here's the answer - a science that's blessed It puts the E-S-T into best It takes off the pressure - I don't wanna be pressed and then you're just like new. (chorus): It's the brain massage (it feels so good) It's the brain massage (there's muzak playing) It's the bra - a - ain massage (pardon me, what was I saying? oh yeah - ) There's plenty of methods, there's lots of techniques It won't take a minute - well maybe three weeks It tightens your lug nuts and patches your leaks and then you're just like new. (chorus) There's equal opportunity, there's equal opportunity So help yourself to some self help and that's the way to start There's equal opportunity, there's equal opportunity It's the home repair manual for the Volkswagen of your heart. There'll be no passion, no anger or guilt Love cannot blossom, so how can it wilt? Step right this way and get your psyche rebuilt with a primal scream or two.