Mel Brooks

The Inquisition

Mel Brooks


The inquistion 
Let's begin
The inquistion 
Look out sin
We have a mission 
To convert the Jews 
(Jew ja Jew ja Jew ja Jews)
We're gonna teach 
Them wrong from right
We're gonna help 
Them see the light
And make an offer 
That they can't refuse 
(That the Jews just can't refuse)

Confess (confess, confess)
Don't be boring
Say yes (say yes, say yes)
Don't be dull

A fact 
You're ignoring 
It's better to lose 
Your skullcap 
Than your skull

The inquistion, what a show
The inquistion, here we go
We know you're wishing
That we'd go away
But the Inquistion's here 
And it's here to stay 
The inquistion, oh boy
The inquistion, what a joy
The inquistion, oy oy

I was sitting 
In a temple
I was minding 
My own business
I was listening 
To a lovely Hebrew mass
Then these papus 
Persons plunge in 
And they throw me in a 

Dungeon, and they shove 
A red hot poker up my ass

Is that considerate?
Is that polite?
And not a tube 
Of Preparation H in sight

I'm sitting 
Plicking chickens 
And I'm looking 
Through the pickings 

And suddenly these guys 
Bring down my balls
I didn't even know them 
And they grabbed me 
By the scrotum and 

They started 
Playing ping pong 
With my balls

Oy, the agony
Ooh, the shame
To make 
My privates public 
For a game

The inquistion, what a show
The inquistion, here we go
We know you're wishing
That we'd go away
But the inquistion's here 
And it's here to  

Hey, Torquemada 
Whaddaya say?
I just got back 
From the auto-da-fé
Auto-da-fé 
What's an auto-da-fé?
It's what you oughtn't 
To do but you do anyway

Skit skat voodely 
Vat tootin de day

Will you convert?
No, no, no, no
Will you confess?
No, no, no, no
Will you revert?
No, no, no, no
Will you say yes?
No, no, no, no

Now I ask in a nice way 
I said pretty please 
I bent their ears 

Now I'll work on their knees

Hey, Torquemada 
Walk this way
We got a little game 
That you might wanna play
So pull that handle 
Try your luck
Who knows, Torq 
You might win a buck
Alright

Put it in the car 
(In the car 2x)

How we doing? 
Any converts today?
Not a one, nay, nay, nay
We've flattened 
Their fingers
We branded their buns
Nothing is working
Send in the nuns

The Inquistion, what a show
The Inquistion, here we go
We know you're wishing
That we'd go away
So, c'mon you Moslems 
And you Jews
We got big news 
For all of yous
You better change 
Your point of views today
'Cause the inquistion's here 
And it's here to stay