How does an upstart Briton, best known for sittin' and
Jestin' from a desk in the middle of a
Forgotten slot on late night, far from Manhattan
Chattin' with Hollywood phonies
End up being the guy who hosts the Tonys?
CBS said: This collision of theatre and television
Needs a risk-taker. It needs a rule breaker
It needs a troublemaker
A mover and a shaker
It needs that chubby dude from Into the Woods
Who played the Baker
Considering his pedigree, this choice is not a mystery
The One Man with Two Guv'nors was discovered in The History
Boys. With his talk show, networks honchos saw how this could be
A classic exercise in realizin' corporate synergy
Of course, the host of Broadway's most preeminent affair is in
The spotlight, so his goal tonight is not to be embarassin'
To dodge the skewers of reviewers drawin' a comparison
To Tonys past, of telecasts they've seen Neil Patrick Harris in
Well, he knows that you're excited and he feels the very same
'Cause he knows this night can bring you recognition and acclaim
'Cause the theatre's what he loves, it's the world from whence he came
Yes, the theatre's where he made his name. And his name is –
James Corden
My name is James Corden
And these are what I'll be awardin'
No! Just you wait, just you wait
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the 70th annual Tony Awards!
Thank you for letting me be a part of your special night
I have loved the theatre ever since
You know what, let me tell you a story
There once was a boy, I won’t use names, let’s call him
James. Cute kid, big eater
Now the greatest joy that James ever had was when he
Mum and dad would go to the theatre
He’d take his seat in the rear mezzenine
The lights would go down and the curtain would rise
On some wonderous, astonishing, magical scene
Unfolding before his spellbound eyes
The house was enthralled
The boy most of all
And as he watched in delight
A thought
A flash
An idea
Would enter brain right
That could be me up there
On the stage with them
I could be in that show
Saying that line
Playing that part
Give me an hour I’ll know it by heart
Getting those laughs
Feeling that passion
Taking a bow when it’s done
Oh that could be me
That could be me
And that could be a lot of fun
(Les Mis)
That could be me up on the barricade
I could be Jean Valjean!
Fleeing Javert
Guarding Cosette
Rueing the day that I stole that baguette
Bring him home
Being a hero
Hearing the people say
Oh that could be me
And that could be
A miserably wonderful thing!
One more dawn
One more day
One daaaay
I could be Phantom haunting the Opera
Wearing my yin-yang mask
Singing my heart out
For mid-western mums (girl sings)
Japanese tourists
And teens after proms
And I could be Simba
Roaming the grasslands
Learing to rule and lead
Watching my father horribly die
In an antelope stampede
I could be Danny, meeting a girl
Loving all summer long
(A well a well a well a uh)
Going together, like ramalamalamalama
Chang chang chang
Dinga ding ding ding dong
And I could be Sweeney
Demon of Fleet Street
Turning people to pies
I could be Jesus Christ Superstar
Spoiler alert He dies!
Oh there’s no limit to the parts I could play tonight!
I could be any role I want and no one can stop me!
The hills are alive, with the sound of
Trouble! Right here in River City!
With a capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for
People
People who need people
Are the
Luck be a lady tonight!
Luck be a lady Tonight
Tonight
Tomorrow
Tomorrow
Midnight
Not a sound from the pavement
I really need this job
How many people does he need
How many boys how many
Don’t cry for me Argentina
And if I were a rich man
Don’t tell me not to live I’ve simply gotta
(Trumpet and band just kinda dies bc rant)
Life’s candy and the Sun’s a ball of butter
And I am telling you
That I’m not going
And the best man I ever known
Mamma’s talking loud
Mamma’s doing fine
All the time and how did I get here
Ten more years and stuck in the background
Here I am, hosting the Tony’s
This time tomorrow I’m back on 12. 30
Sorry I’m not entirely sure what happened there
I blacked out a little bit
Have I, have I ruined it?
I’ve ruined it haven’t I
I’ve ruined the Tony’s
Oprah have I ruined the Tony’s?
Level with me Oprah have I ruined it?
One More?
(42nd Street dance break)
To every future leading man who’s making his debut
In his 5th grade class’s Peter Pan
As pirate number two
To every future dancing queen who’s feet are set to fly
At the tiny toddlers tap routine next Sunday at the (Y?)
To the Theatre kids from any place with stardust in their eyes
Of every colour class and race and face and shape and size
To the boys and girls, transgenders too, to every Broadway Would-be
Don’t wonder if this could be you, it absolutely could be!
Ladies and Gentlemen, your 2016 musical acting nominees!
OH
This could be you up here
On the stage with us
You could be in this show
Smiling inside
Thinking of how
When you were young
You dreamed about now
Sharing these words
Living this moment
Being a part if this song
Oh this could be you
This could be you
This could be where you belong
This could be where you belong
