Half Man Half Biscuit

Used To Be In Evil Gazebo

Half Man Half Biscuit


Tom: E

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I’m sitting in my Ladbroke Grove waiting for the NME;

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They’re coming down to interview me.

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But I haven’t told the others, ‘cos they’d mess about and burp, and tell the truth and laugh at me

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for drinking a classic red, bottled by a medal-winning estate on the banks of the Garonne.  


[Interview monologue]

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So then Ben, it seems every track on the EP involves death, drunkenness, desperate poverty, 

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diabolical dealings, incest, murder and abandonment. Does this reflect your current state of mind?



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Well, you know I have days. Those songs were written a few years back when I had a few problems 

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with someone really close. Things started to weigh me down. And I generally don’t like to talk
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about it, you know.


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Okay, yeah – no problem.


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What it is you see, is that you can love someone and hate them at the same time, and I felt like
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I was on a tightrope – kind of like a precipice. It was all a bit deranged, and I guess that comes
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through in the music.

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Yeah, sure. Your guitarist used to be in Evil Gazebo. Has that been an influence on your sound
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Do you think?

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Well those particular songs were more about the descent into madness which I found myself
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falling into. So obviously I wrote those songs through nothing really to do with erm, this new
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guitarist, and er, it’s all to do with the ensuing psychiatric help. Which I suppose is in evidence
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within the lyrics. As I say, I don’t want to go into that too much.

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Right, yeah. Your ex-girlfriend informs us, erm, after her new band of course – Pankhurst, entered
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the charts last week, that your treatment as such was at a voluntary day ward and you went along
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there purely to get people into thinking you were the new Nick Drake.


[Chorus]

     E                 A              E                A
I’ve been in a mental  hospital, I’ve been in a mental hospital
      E             A             E        B7
But I don’t like to talk about it, all the same.
     E                 A              E                A
I’ve been in a mental  hospital, I’ve been in a mental hospital
     E                 A
I’ve been in a mental  hospital, I’ve been in a mental hospital.

Esus4 E     Esus4 E   (repeat for whole monologue below)
|  |  |  |/ |  |  |  |


[Monologue]

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I looked at the colour booklet they gave me in town; there was a picture of a young boy
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on the cover playing table tennis with a big friendly bear. An owl was umpiring and in the
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background The Tindersticks were opening the Hamilton Bland Memorial Swimming Pool.
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Behind an ancient oak, a figure stood with his head hung down in shame like an actress
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leaving a divorce court. He’d been found guilty of wearing a Brazilian shirt with a number
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ten on the back and swigging from a bottle of lager, whilst talking of the beautiful game. 


[Bridge]

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Up on the beacon a balladeer with a big nose belted out a broadside.


[Chorus]

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Suspected murderer of Tupac murder suspect murdered.
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Suspected murderer of Tupac murder suspect murdered.
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Suspected murderer of Tupac murder suspect murdered.
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 Murdered. 
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 Murdered.