Tom: A
A
Well, the church burned down and no one knew
D
What the Pentecost Baptists was gonna do
A
The Sunday brimstone got so dadgum hot
E
It burned up a church bus in the parkin' lot
A
In a panic the reverend Dr. White
D
Called up an ex-member than hadn't lived right
A
He owned Joe's beer joint right across the fence
E
It's the same Joe's he'd preached against
[Verse 2]
A
He said I don't really want to be a hypocrite
D
I got a Sunday school class that's about to s**t
A
We're all excited about revival week
E
And moved by the spirit so to speak
A
With all the souls we saved and the money we spent
D
We thought God told us to sell that tent
A
I got a famous evangelist supposed to come
E
And done run out of chairs, will you loan us some?
[Verse 3]
A
Joe says hell you can just use the whole dang place
D
A9 on the jukebox "Amazing Grace"
A
I ain't supposed to open because of them blue laws
E
But we'll open tonight if it's alright with y'all
A
Preacher said well I reckon that'd be OK
D
The good Lord works in mysterious ways
A
I was gonna talk about Joshua, Judges and Ruth
E
And I reckon I can do it from the DJ booth
[Chorus 1]
A
At the First Baptist Bar and Grill
D
It's the only church in the bible belt that
E
smells like a whiskey still
A
When the sinners finish one more round
D
We'll have dinner on the ground
A E
And go inside and hell [pause]
A
pray we don't get killed
[Verse 4]
A
The Evangelist came with a well-dressed choir
D
They showed up around happy hour
A
Looked around the joint and didn't take it real well
E
said the White ministry has gone to hell
A
Ms. Mills that taught youth Sunday school
D
And two deacons in the back room shootin' pool
A
Were sharin' the Lord with a Jim Beam rep
E
Who was teachin' Ms. Mills some line dance steps
[Verse 5]
A
Reverend White was readin' from the book of Luke
D
To a tall, drunk trucker about to puke
A
He had John 3:16 memorized
E
Tryin' to dry him out to get him baptised
A
The evangelist yelled about the lights and the beer
D
Said White you can't save any souls in here
A
This place ain't nothin' but a den of sin
E
Ain't the kind of place Baptists ought to be in
A
Preacher said well we don't really need y'all here
D
You didn't do a very good job last year
A
Only saved one sinner, that's Todd McGuire
E
And he's the little son of a b***h that set my church on fire
A
Joe's beer joint has done been revived
D
Only been here an hour and I done saved five.
A
Sure it's got mirrors and a big dance floor
E
But I finally found the flock God called me for.
[Chorus 2]
A
At the First Baptist Bar and Grill
D
It's the only church in the bible belt
E
that smells like a whiskey still
A
Not a stained glass window anywhere in site,
D
Just a blood-stained floor and neon lights,
A E
And the communion wine [PAUSE]
A
is always chilled.
[Verse 6]
A
We're here every Sunday; We're livin' large;
D
We're the only church with a cover charge.
A
And if you don't like our doctrine
E
and think we ain't devout, [PAUSE]
We'll have our bouncer throw your butt out …
A D E A
Of the First Baptist Bar and Grill
