The headline read: They found him dead So that’s what he’s reduced to A woman was found with a carpet around her chest She said he had seduced her A bottle corked and a line of chalk But the readers prefer cocaine Its effects are grim but for a lesser sin We wouldn’t have had the whole page Zero down Zero down Zero down Rumour suggests that Penthouse Pets Were his source of inspiration His ex-wife’s quote about his need for rope Oh, what a stunning revelation We’ll include those bits in his greatest hits It should be out by winter And then discover the play he gave us the day Yes, the very day we signed him Zero down Zero down Zero down Zero down So we conclude our report with a satirical short To parody his passion How tasteful we are as we crumple the star Who led us into fashion And if you turn the page you’ll hear the lover enraged By this defiant homosexual We’ll include those bits in his greatest hits Just hope it’s released on schedule Zero down Another zero down Zero down Oh, zero down Zero down