Tom: Am
C Am
Venus must have drifted just a
E7 F
Bit too far from shore--
G
She sunk her little oyster ship
G7
And skinny dipped
F G G7
On down to the ocean floor
[Chorus 1]
C Am
True love ain't for you, love
E7 F
And if marriage is an institution
G G7
Mine'll have walls with cushions
F
So how's about an old fashioned handhabung
G G7
Here on the futon?
[Verse 2]
C Am
Archibald Assholebroke pulled off
E7 F
Many high-profile antics
G G7
Like the time he walked outta the truck stop latrine
F
With a machine that was essential
G
To our dating scene
C Am
Archie kept it starchy
E7 F
For he wore 35 at a time
G G7
And when his chippy stopped her heavy breathing
F
Archibald could never unwind
G G7
Cuz he was busy unsheathing...
[Verse 3]
C Am
Maybelle shook her sleighbell
E7 F
Betwixt Jack Frost and a frozen hay bale
G G7
Mr Frost got his iceberg tossed
F
And then he told Miss May
G G7
That she was free to get lost
C Am
Feeling quite cantankerous
E7
Maybelle dropped him in an
F
Ice cream maker, thus
G G7
Proving what they say about scorning a lady--
F G G7 G G7
And now Jack Frost is a snowball in Hades (buh-buh-buh-bum)
[Chorus 2]
C E7
True love ain't for you, love
Am F
Oh, boo-hoo love, it's so gruesome
G
But you can't do nuthin'
G7
So you best do someone
F G Am
Whom true love ain't for, too
F G C
Because true love ain't for you
