Stephen Lynch

History Lesson

Stephen Lynch


Stephen: 
I have to redo the vocals for Medieval Bush.
Friends: 
Why?
Stephen: 
Cause I said 1570's muff instead of 1470's muff and the medieval period ended at the beginning of the 16th century.
Friends: 
Wait! So how do you know this?
Stephen: 
Cause I used to be a teacher.
Friends: 
(Laugh)You used to be a teacher?
Stephen: 
Yes
Friend: 
Professor?
Stephen: 
No, I taught elementary school and I got fired for I had an unorthodox way of teaching. In which I would bring my guitar in and sing the lessons to the kids.
Friend: 
Of course you did.
Stephen: 
Okay, okay let me find a lesson for you... Ben Franklin
"Ben Franklin went out one night, 
Tied a key to the end of a kite, 
Electricity struck so bright, 
Write it down muthafuckas"
Friends: 
You called the kids motherfuckers?
Stephen: 
Some of them were motherfuckers yes.
Friends: 
Science
Stephen: 
Um... 
"Issac Newton sat under a tree, 
An apple hit him in the head so he, 
Said holy shit that's gravity, 
So write it down muthafuckas"
I have a million of theses.
Friends: 
Pilgrims
Stephen: 
Okay... hey... 
"Pilgrims raced against the clock, 
Lookin for a place to dock, 
They said fuck it here's Plymouth Rock, 
Write it down muthafuckas."
Friends: 
I don't like the fact that you are implying that the pilgrims were lazy.
Stephen: 
I'm not implying anything.
Friend: 
Wright Brothers
Stephen:
Uh... 
"A dude named Orville Wright, 
Told his brother lets invinflight, 
So Wilbur said "ight", 
Write it down muthafuckas"
Yes, he said "ight"
Friend:
Wilbur said "ight"?
Stephen: 
In my story he did.
Friend: 
Wilbur was street in your story?
Stephen: 
Yes
Friend:
Word
Stephen: 
See, you can't stump me
Friend: 
Slavery?
Stephen: 
Uh there is nothing funny about slavery... well... 
"Abe Lincoln lead the nation, 
Freed slaves form the plantations, 
Inmansa-muthafucka-proclamation, 
Write it down anaem-ops."
Friend: 
Gandhi! 
Stephen:
Uh... I did not have one for him. Uh... hold on, hold on. Gandhi... Uh... alright.
(Slowly) "Gandhi is what you said, 
An Indian with a bald head, 
He was a bit under fed, 
Write is down muthafuckas!"
Fried from that job! 
Friend: 
Your a genius.