I say there’s more hurt than happy in my mind Each time my chest aches Like I can’t breathe deep right But maybe I just don’t know myself that well Or I’m up on the stage playing up the lies Isn’t he miserable? Dylan, are you alright? You’re the only one that I’ve talked to tonight If I’m being honest, it’s only cause I’m scared Maybe I should learn to love myself? It always feels better staying down Maybe I’ll be happy in the end? Should I hold my breath and wait for it? It’s the same way that I’ve always been Talking shit for attention; complaining for the eyes Telling every stranger I meet the same three stories It’s not interesting Feeling more paranoid than motivated Turning down sex when I’m feeling depressed And when I think I’m losing my mind I have a chorus of voices who remind me that Nothing you do is real Nothing you feel is real But it’s full of consequences I’m spending a year out of my comfort zone I don’t think I’ve ever been comfortable in my life Or my own skin So I spent a decade painting myself blue Running from any hint of the truth I’m far too old to complain about dying alone When I’ve been the way I’ve been And I don’t think I can fix this if I find God There’s no drug in the world that could possibly wash this off I can’t even go down to the river And stick my fucking head in it The feeling’s gone Just let me come back home Let me wash the dark away