Classic FM in my earbuds Awake with an achy tooth I see a spider silhouetted on the dresser Caught in the glow of a text Who in the hell would be messaging you At three-o'-bloody-clock in the morning? The screen of your mobile goes dark before I can draw focus You're snoring like a pig I creep around the bed and Key in your passcode Our daughter's date of birth To have all my fears confirmed With a heart emoji A heart emoji And the words: I miss you too We were assistant bar managers at the Carling Academy Paying for our degrees, serving piss to the hordes On a seemingly never-ending loop I hadn't been working there very long You were giving me a bollocking for pouring a Guinness wrong When the announcement came over the PA To evacuate the building Huddled under your parka In the doorway of Cash Converters You had the cheek to ask me on a date I said, I'd not consider it Until you apologise Apologise, apologise And mean it Get the carving knife from the dishwasher To stick through your heart And take a backward step To feel the touch of something cold and wet And to my horror To my horror There's a slug squashed between my toes