I said a bad word when I was a kid
Mamma said that I'd be sorry for the sin that I did
My daddy whooped me and the preacher said: Shame!
And I tried like hell to change
But I cuss, I smoke, I laugh at dirty jokes
The minor vices, man, I know 'em well
I've closed down bars, I've lusted in my heart
My ex's think I ought to burn in hell
But the devil, he won't notice when I die
And don't you figure he's got bigger fish to fry?
Politicians taking pork barrel bribes
Crooked CEO's are getting off with no time
Christmas Eve burglers stealing good children's toys (can't say Christmas)
Holiday burglers stealing good children's toys
But I cuss, I smoke, I laugh at dirty jokes
The minor vices, man, I know 'em well
I've closed down bars, I've lusted in my heart (yeah, many ones)
My ex's think I ought to burn in hell
But the devil won't notice when I die
Yeah, don't you figure he's got bigger fish to fry?
Yeah, there's gonna be a bonfire burning
An everlasting barbecue
But with all the bad stuff going on
There ain't gonna be room for me and you
'Cause we cuss, we smoke, we laugh at Tater's jokes
(Tell one Jim, you know you're old when your wife says: Honey)
(Let's run upstairs and make love)
(And your answer is: I cannot do both)
The minor vices, man, we know 'em well
We've closed down bars, we've lusted in our hearts
Our ex's think we ought to burn in hell
But the devil, he won't notice when we die
Hey, don't you figure he's got bigger fish to fry?
Yeah, don't you figure he's got bigger fish to fry?
(Pass the tartar sauce)
When we all get to heaven
What a day of rejoicing it will be!
