Tom: Fm
Dm
(Somewhere deep in the slow, eternal depths of the heavens drifts a planet called simply "Earth"
And among the otherwise unremarkable population of this planet are two incredible heroes,
destined to save the future from itself)
A Dm G C
F/A Bb Cadd4 F/A Bb Cadd4 F/A Bb Cadd4 F/A Bb Cadd4
(Hey Ninja Brian, I made a time machine spaceship. You... wanna go on it?) (...) (Yeah okay, cool)
Gm F Csus4 C
Soaring through the galaxy, the stars and sky align
Gm F Eb Ebsus2
The speed of light's for pussies; we're going at the speed of Brian
Gm F Csus4 C
Flying towards the sexual peak of history and time
Db Ab Cb Gb F
(Computer, set a sexy course for the sexiest year)
F/A Bb Cadd4
Sixty-nine
F/A Bb Cadd4
Sixty-nine
F/A Bb Cadd4
(Sixty-nine) I've got my space suit
F/A Bb Cadd4
(Sixty-nine) And ninety pounds of space lube
Db Ebm/Db Ab/Db Db Ebm/Db Ab/Db
Crossing through into a fuckin' wormhole beyond the Milky Way
Eb/Db Db
That shit's far
Db Ebm/Db Ab/Db Db Dbsus4 Db
To a time of Earth so far into the future where everyone gets laid
Eb/Db Db
Twice as hard
D Em/D A/D D Em/D A/D
We're noble knights of honor on a fierce and sultry butt crusade
E/D D
Here we are
A Dm G C
Open the bay doors and
F/A Bb Cadd4
Let's live the dream
F/A Bb Cadd4
Give the world a double team
F/A Bb Cadd4 F/A Bb Cadd4
I bet it's a billion person orgy in an ocean of whipped cream
[G ILOQUY]
Cm Gm F
(Wait, this place isn't sexy at all!
And this robot sign says human touch has been outlawed)
Eb Bb Ab
I can't believe my eyes, but it's a world without sex
Cm Gm F
Everyone here just wears full length pants and loose fitting turtlenecks
Eb F Gm Db Eb
Men and women wave to each other from a respectable distance
Eb F Gm Db Eb
Without the thrill of boning, what is life?
Eb F Gm Db
We must speak to the Council of Dick Elders...
[CONFRONTATION]
Gm Eb Bb F
...tonight (Excuse me, Dick Elders?)[What do you want?]
Gm Eb Bb F
I know it's most unusual to come before you so
Gm Eb Bb F
But the planet Earth sucks balls now that no one's allowed to bone
Gm Eb Bb F
We've come from the past to introduce you to ass [Wait! You're Ninja Sex Party! You will ruin our plans!]
Gm Eb7 Gm Eb7 Gm Eb7 Gm Eb7
Guards! Sound the alarms!
Gm Eb7 Gm Eb7
If people have sex, they'll break a thousand-year spell
Gm Eb7 Gm Eb7
There'll be a revolution and they'll think for themselves
Gm Eb7 Gm Eb7
We control this planet of unsatisfied wood
Gm Eb7 Gm Eb7
Why does being evil always feel so damn good?
A Dm G C
Fuck that bullshit
F/A Bb Cadd4
We'll make it right
F/A Bb Cadd4
Get ready for a sexy fight
F/A Bb Cadd4 F/A Bb Cadd4
My dick's the spark of hope and a revolution shall ignite
Gm F Csus4 C
(Tonight,) We're taking flight, we have to find a girl
Gm Eb7 Gm Eb7
[Shoot the fucking lasers! Shoot the fucking lasers at 'em!]
Gm F Eb Ebsus2
Show her what it means to love, and fix this broken world
Gm Eb7 Gm Eb7
[All the fuckin lasers! All the fuckin lasers at 'em!]
Gm F Csus4 C
A new sex king will rule; let the boner banners be unfurled
[DISCOVERY]
Db Ab Cb Gb F
(Ninja Brian, look at that girl with the sad eyes and the beautiful blonde hair. I'm immediately in love!)
F/A Bb Cadd4
(Sixty-nine) She spent a life all alone
F/A Bb Cadd4
(Sixty-nine) Wanna take her to the bone zone
F/A Bb Cadd4
(Sixty-nine) Make her feel the pleasure
F/A Bb Cadd4
(Sixty-nine) On a lonely treasure
Cm Gm F
Cm Gm F
I can't believe my eyes, but you're the girl of my dreams
Eb Bb Ab
Let's both tear all of our clothes off like two pants-hating wolverines
Cm Gm F
The love we make will save the Earth from this oppressive dick regime
Eb F Gm Db
(Whoa-oh-oh) We're having sex now
Eb F Gm N.C.
(Whoa-oh-oh) To change the world
Eb F Gm Db
(Whoa-oh-oh) You brought your friends now
Eb F Gm N.C.
(Whoa-oh-oh) Oh shit, they're girls!
[D VOLUTION]
Cm Gm F
I think it's obvious that people liked our sexy show
Eb Bb Ab
A multi-billion person orgy has broken out all across the globe
Cm Gm F
The human race, much like my junk, will now be free to grow (let's go!)
Eb F Gm Db
(Whoa-oh-oh) But what about the Elders?
Eb F Gm N.C.
(Whoa-oh-oh) We tore their world to shreds
Eb F Gm Db
(Whoa-oh-oh) Maybe they'll be cool with it
Eb F Gm
(Whoa-oh-oh) (Oh hey, Dick Elders! How's it goin'?)
N.C.
[You two are fucking...]
[ESCAPE]
Gm Eb Bb F
[...dead!] So much for that, it's time to put on pants
Gm Eb Bb F
And run away from their Death Army which is starting to advance
Gm Eb7 Gm Eb7
[Shoot the fucking lasers! Way more fucking lasers at 'em!]
Gm Eb Bb F
We can't die, we're way too young and there are so many girls to bone
Gm Eb7 Gm Eb7
[Shoot the fucking lasers! Way more fucking lasers at 'em!]
Gm Eb Bb F
But now we're cornered with our backs against the wall!
Gm
[(It's all over, Danny Sexbang! Your time has come!
But first, we're gonna take care of your ninja friend, here!)]
*slash* *screams*
A Dm G C
Goddamn, Brian
F/A Bb Cadd4
You killed them all
F/A Bb Cadd4
Now the empire will fall
F/A Bb Cadd4 F/A Bb Cadd4
I have to say in retrospect that was easier than I thought! (oh yeah!)
[F D WELL]
Gm F Csus4 C
Our work here's done, the future is secure
Gm F Eb Ebsus2
But my girl and I have one last farewell slam just to be sure
Gm F Csus4 C
For underneath those rockin' boobs lies a heart that is so pure
Db Ab Cb Gb F
(Take care of this world for me, my darling, I will always love you)
F/A Bb Cadd4 F/A Bb Cadd4 F/A Bb Cadd4 F/A Bb Cadd4
(What is your name by the way? Kristen? Ah, a beautiful name
Until that glorious day when we meet again, Katie, farewell!)
F/A Bb Cadd4
Now let us fly
F/A Bb Cadd4
Into the night sky
F/A Bb Cadd4
And we'll raise a glass to ass
F/A Bb Cadd4
In a final goodbye
F/A Bb Cadd4 F/A Bb Cadd4
To sixty-nine, sixty-nine
F/A Bb Cadd4 F/A Bb Cadd4
Sixty-nine sixty-nine
F/A Bb Cadd4
(Sixty-nine) Let us be gone
F/A Bb Cadd4
(Sixty-nine) Our quest is life-long
F/A Bb Cadd4 F/A Bb Cadd4
(Sixty-nine) It's a sexy destiny so let's rock the fuck on
F/A Bb Cadd4 F/A Bb Cadd4
Sixty-nine, sixty-nine
G/F F
Fuck yeah
G/F F
Fuck yeah
