Tom: D
D G
Goodbye to the Port and Brandy, to the Vodka and the Stag,
A A7 D
to the Schmiddick and the Harpic, the bottled draught and keg.
D G
As I sat lookin' up the Guinness and I could never figure out,
A A7 G A D
how your man stayed up on the surfboard after 14 pints of stout.
D G
I dreamt a dream the other night, I couldn't sleep a wink,
A A7
the rats were tryin' to count the sheep and I was off the drink.
D G
There were footsteps in the parlour and voices on the stairs,
A A7
and I was climbin' up the walls and movin' round the chairs.
D G
I looked out from under the blanket and up at the fireplace,
A A7
there was the Pope and John F. Kennedy were starin' in me face.
D G
And Suddenly it dawned at me I was getting the old D.T.s,
A A7
when the Child o' Prague began to dance around the mantlepiece.
D G
Goodbye to the Port and Brandy, to the Vodka and the Stag,
A A7 D
to the Schmiddick and the Harpic, the bottled draught and keg.
D G
As I sat lookin' up the Guinness and I could never figure out,
A A7 G A D
how your man stayed up on the surfboard after 14 pints of stout.
D G
Well, I swore upon the Bible I'd never touch a drop,
A A7
my heart was palpitatin', I was sure 'twas going to stop,
D G
Thinkin' I was dyin' I gave my soul to God to keep,
A A7
a tenner to St. Anthony to help me get some sleep.
D G
I fell into an awful nightmare - got a dreadful shock,
A A7
when I dreamt there was no Duty-free at the airport down in Knock.
D
And Ian Paisley was sayin' the rosary,
G
and Mother Theresa was taking the the pill,
A A7
and Frank Patterson was out of his head, he was singin' Spancil Hill.
D G
Goodbye to the Port and Brandy, to the Vodka and the Stag,
A A7 D
to the Schmiddick and the Harpic, the bottled draught and keg.
D G
As I sat lookin' up the Guinness and I could never figure out,
A A7 G A D
how your man stayed up on the surfboard after 14 pints of stout.
D G
I dreamt I was in ecstacy in Heaven, and in agony in Hell,
A A7
I was bored in Limbo and then I was in Purgatory as well.
D
And there was original sins and venial sins,
G
and mortal sins by the score,
A
so I tied barbed wire around my underpants,
A7
and I flagellated myself on the floor.
D
Then I dreamt I was in the confessional box,
G
and the auld Bishop said to me,
A
'Any impure thoughts, my child?'
A7
Sure the f**king barbed wire was killin' me !
D G
And then I dreamt I was in the jacuzzi with that auld hoor from No. 10,
A A7
and then I knew I'd never ever, ever drink again.
D G
Goodbye to the Port and Brandy, to the Vodka and the Stag,
A A7 D
to the Schmiddick and the Harpic, the bottled draught and keg.
D G
As I sat lookin' up the Guinness and I could never figure out,
A A7 G A D
how your man stayed up on the surfboard after 14 pints of stout.
