I got on the bus at Maple I got off the bus at Main I got on the bus at Maple And I'll never be the same I paid my 90 cents And grabbed a seat at the rear I paid my 90 cents And then took out a beer I sipped the cold beer slowly And lit a cigarette I sipped the cold beer slowly And that's what I regret And old lady stood and screamed "Can't you read that sign?!" An old lady stood and screamed "No smoking on this line!" I hadn't finished half my beer When all the trouble started I hadn't finished half my beer When from the bus I parted The bus was going forty When she threw me out the door The bus was going forty When my body hit the floor Now I lie here paralysed And I can't even speak Now I lie here paralysed And things are looking bleak If I could do things over One thing is very clear If I could do things over I'd have finished all that beer Well, here's the moral to the story 'cause now I've gotta go I said, here's the moral of the story: Never drink beer slow