A thousand artists have done their damnest to paint her But all in vain And ev'ry day their hopes grow fainter The reason's plain For Victoria's also known as victor Making tricky to depict her Victor Victoria, Victor Victoria Victoria, what a victor you are She spreads confusion Her illusion is serene Behind the screen Is he a king or is she a queen She's such a tease Fellers like these Trying to please Get ill at ease Not sure if he's Louee or Louise No wonder thousands of lovers struggle (No wonder male friends) To win her without success (Also female keep sending) Even an evening having dinner (me mail wondring) She won't say yes (Can she be male) And God help the guy whoever tricked her (They all pursue her) Kiss 'em good bye if they afflict her (And woo her and miscounstrue her) Victor Victoria, Victor Victoria Victoria, what a victor you are Men are so dim fancying and fancying her They're so bemused They get confused which one they prefer Is he a she Is he a she Is she a he Is she a he If you ask me If you ask me It's hard to see Which can she be (Victoria) There's no guarantee And so when young men and old men turn into bold men To hold my hand They get too frazzled and bedazled to understand You can't contradict her or predict him She is the victor, not the victim Victor Victoria, Victor Victoria And that's why... Young men and old men turn into bold men (All men, healthy tall) To hold her hand (men, and wealthy) They get too frazzled and bedazzled (small men, with the) To understand gall of all men You can't contradict her or predict him (mob and molest her) She is the victor, not the victim (They all do their best to pester) Victor Victoria, Victor Victoria Victoria, what a victor you are (King) So when a guy loves a lady However shady it may appear (Toddy) No need to yell if they're two fellers That's not so queer (Victoria, Toddy) We're all meant to cherish one another (Squash) It's not a crime to love each other (Toddy) He sings too Victor Victoria, Victor Victoria Victoria, what a victor you are Victoria, what a victor you are