I have a friend who's gone And joined some crazy new religion He's so caught up that he don't know which way is up You know the saying that There's no saint like a former sinner Now he's evangelising everyone he meets Including me I hope it makes you happy I hope it makes you feel real good I hope it makes you happy But even then you'd better knock on wood Now let it be understood I wanna be understood Another girl I know's loves hanging with cosmetic surgeons She's on a first-name-basis with the cutting edge Now she's addicted to the thrill of multiple procedures Looks in a mirror but she doesn't see herself There's no-one else! My neighbour's getting into transcendental meditation He's found the inner-peace that many of us seek But I'm not cut out for a life of quiet contemplation 'Cos when I navel-gaze I only turn up lint Well, it makes you think Can I get a witness?