please excuse the stench of desperation. i'll apologize in advance because i know that i'll blow my only chance. can i speak with a bit of candor? you're all i think about these days. it's so pathetic, i know, but i don't know how to change. this summer was so ridiculous; so many drunk nights and the rooftop, that i felt like it was never going to stop. but of course it did, and fall ushered in a new era of decadent days. and i knew i'd never finish better than second place. i'm a perennial silver medalist i take some solace in the sauce and the sedatives i'm ready to float, and i'm ready to drown; this is what passes for a good time in a ghost town. you've sold me on the fact you're untouchable, but still, stupidly, i'll try my best to reach what i know these arms are too short to grab; i only want i can't have. why don't you realize how similar we are in this respect, and so many more? the time i spend with you is like falling out a window when i thought you were a door, a pathway to something better. a permanent state of not hating myself. but still i'm coated in bronze or silver paints. i suppose i'm lucky to have even placed. you destroy me with all this platonic shit. not to say i don't enjoy the comaraderie. but i'm so tired of being your safety net and then watching you completely forget.