Tom: Am
D Am C F, D Am C F
D Am C
Pulling the ice axe from my leg, I staggered on
F D Am C F
Spindrift stinging my remaining eye
D Am
I finally managed to reach the station
C F D Am C F
Only to find that the bus replacement service had broken down
D Am
After wondering to myself whether or not it should
C F
Actually be called a train replacement service
D Am
I walked out onto the concourse
C F D
And noticed the giant screen seemed to have been tampered with
Am C F
Probably by a junior employee.
D Am C F
Disgruntled commuters were being regaled with some dismal TVM
D Am C
Involving a tug-of-love custody battle;
F D Am C F D Am C F
Stockard Channing held sway.
D Am C
Down in the High Street somebody careered out of Boots
F
Without due care or attention
D Am C
I suggest that they learn some pedestrian etiquette
F D Am C F D Am C F
I.e. sidle out of the store gingerly - embrace the margin.
D Am C F D Am C F
Fat kids with sausage rolls, poor sods conducting polls.
D Am C F D Am C F
There's a man with a mullet going mad with a mallet in Millets.
D Am
I try to put everything into perspective,
C F
Set it against the scale of human suffering
D Am
And I thought of the Mugabe government
C F
And the children of the Calcutta railways
D Am C F
This works for a while but then I encounter Primark FM
D Am C F E
Overhead a rainbow appears - in black and white.
A Caug E A Caug E
Shite Day, I guess this must be National Shite Day
A Caug E
This surely must be National Shite Day
A Caug E (Inst D Am C F x8)
Don't tell me it's National Shite Day.
D Am C F D Am C F D Am C F
Float, float on. Float, float on
D Am C F D Am C F
Barry Herpes.
D Am
I got a letter from Stringy Bob
C F
"Still on suicide watch, screws not happy.
D Am C
Spotted a Marsh Fritillary during Association
F D Am C F
Was roundly ignored; what news you?"
D Am
I felt sorry for him
C F
He'd only been locked up for public nuisance offences
D Am C
One of which saw him beachcombing the Dee Estuary
F D Am
Found a dead wading bird, took it home, parcelled it up
C F
And sent it off to the rubber-faced irritant Phil Cool
D Am C F D Am C F
With a note inside which read: "Is this your Sanderling?"
D Am C F
Another time saw him answering an advert in the music press
D Am C F
"Keyboard player required - Doors, Floyd, etc.
D Am C F D Am C F
Must be committed; no time wasters" - you can guess the rest.
D Am C F
I'd always imagined he would simply wander off some day into the hills
D Am C F
To be found months later, his carcass stripped by homeless dogs
D Am C F D Am C F
His exposed skull a perch for the quartering crow
D Am C F
I folded away the letter and put it in my inside pocket
D Am C F D Am C F
All of a sudden I felt brushed by the wings of something dark
D Am C F E
May the Lord have mercy on Stringy Bob.
A Caug E A Caug E
Shite Day, I do believe it's National Shite Day
A Caug E
It all points to National Shite Day
A Caug E
Someone's declared it National Shite Day.
A Caug E A Caug E
Shite Day, my birthday on National Shite Day
A Caug E
No bog roll, it's National Shite Day
A Caug E (D Am C F to fade)
Cue drum roll, it's National Shite Day.
