Quagmire: Baby you were crazy if ya thought I loved ya 'cause the 'Q' man loves nobody but himself. Patti Lupone: I never knew how twisted a fella could be. Quagmire: Hey I guess it's good I never told ya I'm into pee! PL: Don't you ever listen to your inner conscience Q: (spoken) Oh, I'm sorry babe, I wasn't listenin'. What? PL: You really are a total scum. If only you could see the man that you've become! Q: Baby you were crazy if ya thought I loved ya 'Cause the 'Q' man loves nobody! PL: You really love nobody? Q: And boy I mean nobody! PL: And boy you mean nobody! Q: But my own sweet flippin' self! (spoken) All right, whatever your problem is, just get it off your breast. Chest. PL: I thought you gave me your heart. Q: (spoken) I gave you VD, isn't that enough? PL: You said that we'd never part. Q: (spoken) Oh I was just kiddin'! PL: You gave me your lover's vow! Q: Ha! If you really thought I meant it you ought to get your head examined right now! PL: You'd tell me you'd never stray! Q: (spoken) Well, that's 'cause we hadn't had sex yet! PL: And then you just walked away. Q: (spoken) Ain't I a stinker! PL: Your attitude really stank! Q: Look! You don't need to be a genius to see that I was givin' you the yank yank! PL: (spoken) What else did you BS me about? Q: (spoken) Well, since you asked… (sung) Remember when I said that I was goin' down the block to grab a couple boozers with a pal? PL: Yeah. You had a friend from college that you had to meet. Q: Nah. I was at the women's shoe store lookin' at feet! (What?) 'Member when I said I had a dental checkup. Well let me say I give quite a root canal. Oh right! PL: You promised me that you'd be true! Q: Hey! To me you're just vagina number 602. Baby you were crazy if ya thought I loved ya 'Cause the 'Q' man loves nobody! PL: You really love nobody? Q: And boy I mean nobody! PL: And boy you mean nobody! Q: But my own Both: sweet flippin' self! PL: (spoken) What do you have to say for yourself, you slime? Q: (spoken) Can I just sqeeze your left tit, a little bit? PL: (spoken) You're the most insensitive man I've ever met Q: (spoken) Oh, that's not true. I've got feelings same as the next guy. Why, last week, my grandma died, I was really upset. PL: (spoken) Oh, I'm sorry. Q: (spoken) So how 'bout a hand job? 'Cause the 'Q' man loves nobody! PL: You really love nobody? Q: And boy I mean nobody! PL: And boy you mean nobody! Q: But my own Both: sweet flippin' self! Q: (spoken) C'mon, honey, I'll make it up to you. I'll buy you some lingerie. Giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity!