[JASON] Baruch, baruch atah Baruch atah Adonai Baruch atah Adonai eloheinu Melech haolam Asher kidshanu, asher kidshanu V'tzivanu l'hitateif batzitzit [TRINA] Jason dear, hello Are you packed and waiting? But before we go Let me speak with father alone Now as the bar mitzvah nears— Jason, put your Walkerman on and hum Since this is the last loving thing We'll probably ever do together Let's act adult and not go crazy [MARVIN] Have you chosen yet who'll cater? [TRINA] What about it? [MARVIN] I know a person who can cater [TRINA] It's a personal decision who should cater [MARVIN] Can we consider who's gonna cater? [TRINA] Shh! [MARVIN] Please? [TRINA] Shh! [MARVIN] Please? [TRINA] Shh! [MENDEL] Stop! This is so much crap Throw a simple party! Religion's just a trap That ensnares the weak and the dumb Stop with the prayers [TRINA] How can you stop with the prayers at a bar mitzvah? [MENDEL] The whole thing's voodoo And I know more than you do! [MARVIN & TRINA] This is the year of Jason's bar mitzvah! We're more excited than we should be This is the year of the child When he spreads out his wings! There's music in his heart! His life's about to start! His body's going wild! My child [MARVIN] My child [TRINA] Our child [MENDEL] Children, please Throw the kid a celebration and relax I'll bring women from the wrong side of the tracks We'll have a ball! I guess I'll have to raise this Jason myself MARVI[N] Isn't he an asshole? [TRINA]---------------------[MENDEL] Yes, he is.--------------------My own bar mitzvah was [MARVIN] Isn't he too much?----------A miserable occasion [TRINA] Yeah, but so are you--------The cause for such Really, kiddo, so are you----Abrasion in my family [MARVIN] Jesus, what an asshole!----It still gives me hives Jason, where's my hug? [TRINA] Where's my hug? [MARVIN] Where's my hug? [MARVIN, TRINA, & MENDEL] This is the year for Jason's bar mitzvah This is the year for Jason's bar mitzvah! [Doorbell rings] [CHARLOTTE] Look, look, look, look, look It's a lesbian from next door! [CORDELIA] Followed by her lover Who's a lesbian from next door too! And I've got food for you Delicious food for you! Nouvelle bar mitzvah cuisine! [TRINA] Ah... [CORDELIA] Here's dietetic knishes, gefilte fishes Food that's from the heart! So take a bite and see If all your friends agree It's good! [MARVIN, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE, & CORDELIA] Yummy yummy Yummy yummy Yummy yummy Yummy yummy Yummy yummy yummy yummy yum! We'll have one perfect time! We'll spend billions of dollars! [TRINA] Conga! [MARVIN, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE, & CORDELIA] We'll have flowers galore (Whoo!) And the band will sound fine! (Whoo!) There'll be chandeliers set round the room With the men in tuxedos! There'll be food, like food never before! What a day to remember! This is the year of Jason's bar mitzvah! [JASON] They're more excited than they should be [MARVIN, TRINA, MENDEL, CHARLOTTE, & CORDELIA] This is the year of the child When he spreads out his wings! There's music in his heart! His life's about to start! His body's going wild! My Child!