[MARVIN]
Well, the situation's this
I do not wish to offend
I divorced my wife
I left my child
And I ran off with a friend
But I want a tight-knit family
I want a group that harmonizes
I want my wife and kid and friend
To pretend
Time will mend
Our pain
So it's nineteen seventy-nine
And we don't go by the book
We all eat as one—
Wife, friend, and son—
And I sing out as they cook
I love my tight-knit family
I love the way they cook linguine
Isn't it great? We're all so swell
Such a dear clientele
I swear we're gonna come through it
I fear we'll probably fight
But nothing's impossible
Live by your wit—
Kid, wife, and lover will have to admit
I was right
I cushioned the fall
I want it all
I want it all
I want it
I want it all
[MENDEL]
Sit down, my dear
I hear you have a problem
I'm sure you're not disgusting or indiscreet
Take a load off your feet
[TRINA]
Thank you
[MENDEL]
Happy or sad?
[TRINA]
Well, I --
[MENDEL]
That's a question with no answer
Let's not discuss the weather, let's face the facts
Marvin's wife must relax
[TRINA]
Love isn't sex
That's a thing my husband once told me
Marvin, my ex-
You've seen him for years-
Told me over the phone to tell you my fears
Do you only treat queers?
[MENDEL (spoken)]
No
(Sung)
Breathe deep, my dear
You'll find me understanding
Your pain is a priori
Unfold your untold story
Now to break bread
Loosen your glands
Put your head in my hands
[TRINA]
I'm everything he wanted
It's time I put it all together
The date was set
My father let me marry
I married. I
Then Marvin came from work
Sat me down on the bed
He told me how he loved me
How needed and/or valued me
I have
[MENDEL]
What?
[TRINA / MARVIN]
Syphilis
[TRINA]
He said
[MENDEL]
Good
[TRINA]
I have
[MENDEL]
Yes?
[TRINA /MARVIN]
Syphilis
[TRINA]
It's true
[MENDEL]
Good
[TRINA]
I had something rotten
Which appears though now it's well forgotten
[MARVIN]
Maybe, darling, so do you
[TRINA]
Maybe, darling, so do you
[TRINA]
I am probably diseased
[MENDEL]
You're a lovely girl
[TRINA]
And so easily appeased
[MENDEL]
What a lovely girl, though she's possibly diseased
[TRINA]
He took pains to not excite us
He explains I've
[TRINA / MARVIN]
Hepatitis
[TRINA]
Too
[MARVIN, JASON, AND WHIZZER]
Hepa hepa hepatitis hepatitis hepatitis
[MENDEL]
Love is blind
Love can tell a million stories
Love's unkind
Spiteful in a million ways
[TRINA]
Then I stayed home from work
Took good care of my men
They faked despair, they wet their bed
They combed their hair, they acted dead
One said
[MENDEL]
Yes?
[JASON]
Daddy is a prick
[MENDEL]
What?
[TRINA]
He said
[MENDEL]
Yes?
[JASON]
Daddy isn't mine
[MENDEL]
Good
[TRINA]
He filled my coats
With candies and notes
With "Will you be my valentine?"
[MARVIN (To Whizzer)]
Will you be my valentine?
[TRINA]
This gets harder to believe
[MENDEL]
You're a damaged girl
[TRINA]
I've a scalpel up my sleeve
[FOUR MEN]
What a damaged girl
[MENDEL]
Do not ever slit your wrists
[TRINA]
I've missed him; he's still missing
Don't make noise, but daddy's kissing
Boys
[ALL]
Petty, petty, petty, petty
[MENDEL AND TRINA]
Love is blind
Love can tell a million stories
Love's unkind
Spiteful in a million ways
[ALL]
Love is blind
Love can tell a million stories
Love's unkind
Spiteful in a million ways
[MARVIN]
Love is crazy
Love is often boring
Love stinks
Love is pretty often debris
When you find
What you find. Then
Never, never, never, never, never
Do it over again
[OTHERS]
Love
Love
Love
Love
Love reads like a bad biography
All the names are changed
To protect the innocent Love
Love
[ALL]
Love is blind
[MENDEL]
My name is Mendel
I treat her husband
I think she's very insecure
But so am I
I've never married
Work, work is my passion
Or perhaps that's an alibi
[MARVIN]
Yeah, perhaps it is
[MENDEL]
Yeah, I don't care to discuss it
I think she's charming
I think she's needy
In just five sessions on my couch
She'll be like new
[ALL]
His name is Mendel
[WHIZZER]
Ah-ah
[MENDEL]
Return next Friday
I admit I admire you
