Tom: C C Now handsome guys get girls that are pretty F Other guys get 'em 'cos they're clever and witty C A7 But the only love I ever get, I get out of pity Dm G7 C 'Cos I'm the ugliest man in town C I drive down the road in a Rolls Royce car F Use hundred dollar bills when I light my cigar C A7 But still you know, that won't get you very far Dm G7 C When you're the ugliest man in town G C There was a note on the doorstep where I was found G C It said this sweet child weighs eleven pounds G C So bring him up healthy and wealthy and stout A7 Dm G7 Keep his back to the light, don't let it turn around C Yeah all you women you're heartless and cold F All you want is my silver and gold C A7 And don't you know that there's a beautiful soul Dm G7 C Inside the ugliest man in town [Boy do I got plans for us] G C Yeah I'm so ugly I shave in the dark G C Kids start to cry when I walk through the park G C Clocks stop ticking and dogs start to bark A7 Dm G7 Whenever I come around C Yeah I walk down the street and the girls all hiss me F If I die tomorrow not one of them would miss me C A7 Only reason they ball me is they can't stand to kiss me Dm G7 C I'm the ugliest man in town Dm G7 C Yeah I'm the ugliest man in town