Tom: G
G C
So you think you're gaein' tae the north to spend a holiday,
D
cause you're vaguely Scottish on your mither's side,
G C
and you've heard of ancient glories, both renowned in song and story,
G D G
kilts and haggis, Andy Stewart and the Clyde.
[Verse]
G C
Ye go up by Crianlarich, it's the gateway to the north,
D
and the scenery will please your eyes, I'm sure.
G C
Ye take oot your picnic basket 'cause the car has blown a gasket
G D G
in the middle o' a place called Rannoch Moor.
G C G D G
[Verse]
G C
So you telephone the garage listed in the tourist guide,
D
that was published for you by the R.A.C.,
G C
but by design, or by intention, or, they just forget to mention
G D G
that the garage closes doon for half past three.
[Verse]
G C
So you're towed behind this tractor tae a corrugated shed
D
that's surrounded by farm implements and carts,
G C
and you scratch your head and wonder why you ever bought a Honda,
G D G
'cause they'll have to send to Tokyo for the parts.
G C G D G
[Verse]
G C
So you board the train for Oban and you get the boat to Mull
D
feeling like you've had a night upon the tiles,
G C
ye pay twenty pence for coffee with a tang o' diesel oil,
G D G
your experience in the swindle o' the isles.
[Verse]
G C
But your pulse begins to quicken at the thought of berry-pickin',
D
so you take a trip to 'Gowrie for a spell,
G C
wi' some wellies o' your mothers that she bought in Ali Brothers,
G D G
and a Gideon bible pinched frae yer hotel.
G C G D G
[Verse]
G C
So you're standing picking rasps being stung to death by wasps,
D
the midges and the cleggs are making free,
G C
and the bairns have ate the berries and contracted dysentery,
G D G
'cause last week they sprayed the crop with DDT.
[Verse]
G C
So you're headin' back to Birmingham more waterlogged than tanned,
D
but no signs of habitation can you see,
G C
when you thought you were in Berwick you were actually in Lerwick,
G D G
'Cause some vandal changed the signpost in Dundee
