I Do My Crosswords In Pen

Ink bleeds deeper when pressed hard. Soaks through paper and leaves stains on the table. You don't look how I pictured. 
You don't look quite how I remember. I'll tell myself, "I cannot surround me" but some smiles both resurrect and drain the life from me. 
I don't tell you everything. It's heartless, the picture remind me. Callused to smile.