I got these memories of when I was only 8
Bedroom door was locked, my mom was being beat
And screaming rape
Kenny open the door!
I want to but I can't
In her boyfriend's trailer
In the living room, his roommate doing crank
What the fuck are you doing!
My mamas crying for help
Thats when I learned what a coward was
Something I never felt
I dialed 911, and I left the phone by itself
I wish that I had I gun
Cause I woulda sent him to hell
Send everybody to hell
Then I remember the cops came and took him away
Tears in my mamas face
Lord knows how bad they must taste
And every time I think about it up to this day
That helpless little kid I was, it throws me into a rage
Spoke to my pops when I was 5
On the phone
I ain't know him as dad so I called him Clyde
Guess me calling him by his name, it musta hurt his pride
All I heard was click and thats the last I heard from him in life
But that ain't crazy
14, was on probation
Having suicidal thoughts, and this voice, it came from Satan
Had a rope tied around a branch my puppy used to play with
And one day I wrapped that rope around my neck n starts hanging
What the fuck was I thinkin
Mama seen me through the window
She ran outside and saved me
Can't believe I really almost made her bury her baby
Blame it on rap music
Yea too much Slim Shady
Swear to God I used to go to church and feel like they hate me
But none of that was awful as the night I lost Austin
And its been so fuckin long
I never put this in a song like this, no
I never thought id break it down like this, no
So, me and him were homies like, everyday homies like
Wake up every morning, prolly calling, comin over, like
Damn we need some come up like
Damn we need some money like
Hustle hustle hustle, things were finally going right, until the night
Until the night I seen my dawg die
Yea, about a foot away from me
Brains blowed all over the wall man you couldn't imagine this shit
But listen
Look, couple of jitts couple of guns right
Just fuckin around fuckin with one right
12 gauge, we ain't know it was loaded
Suddenly it went off and the barrel exploded
I started screaming your name
But you're dead and I know it
The slug it entered your brain
And then the blood just kept pouring
To me this is a memory, to them its just horror
I ran outside, I called the police, and I just stood on the porch
I heard the sirens, seen the lights but I was numb
I didn't speak when they ran up pulling they guns
I just dropped to my knees and started crying
Said my best friend just died and then I pointed inside
Then of course when they questioned me I lied
But at the end I still got charged with manslaughter, homicide
I wish that I could tell you this is fiction, but its not
Since I been home from prison
Music's the only thing I got fuck
Slaughter me or slander me, I don't give a fuck
Man that shit don't hurt me at all, naw
Like y'all have no idea what the fuck my life consisted of
And I don't know what the fuck yours did either, like
For real like, you can't look at someone and assume nothing
You heard me like, people go through shit
People go through shit you never did
In all walks of life, all around the world
Just cause they smiling
That don't mean that they ain't hidin pain
Man everybody's hiding pain like
Man everybody has shit they don't want people to know
Real talk
Man I just ain't afraid to let you know who I am
Share who I am with you, cause
Its authentic
Its too real to be fake, you feel me like
Man fuck it
Man if I could say one thing it'd be
Dont let your past determine your future
