I Pulled Into Memphis, I Could Not Slow Down My Brakes Were Gone, I Wrecked the Car...fire On the Ground Then My Car Exploded and the Flames Licked My Chin And My Life Flashed Before My Eyes Like An X-rated Film Like a Poison Arrow My Soul Shot Through the Sky Landed There At Heaven's Gate, Much to My Surprise And An Angel With a Halo Walked Up and Said, "hey, Dude! Welcome to Heaven...we've Got This Glass of Milk For You." (Chorus) I Said, "hey St. Peter, Won't You Open Up Your Gate... I Hear the Devil Calling, Now Please Don't Make Me Late. He's Got Loud Guitars, Alcohol, Cheap Jamaican Whores... I Don't Want to Stay in Heaven no More." Well, Satan Came A-running, Said, "hey, That Boy Is Mine!" He Had a John Hiatt T-shirt and Trouble in His Eye Then the Devil On Cloud 7 and St. Peter On Cloud 4 Played a Hand of Poker, and the Winner Gets My Soul Chorus Well the Last Thing I Remember, Satan Held Two Jacks And I Woke Up in the Back of a Memphis Ambulance And I Do Not Know For Certain Which Cards St. Peter Held So I'm Breaking All Ten Commandments to Make Sure I Go to Hell Chorus