[PSEUDOLUS] Something familiar, Something peculiar, Something for everyone: A comedy tonight! Something appealing, Something appalling, Something for everyone: A comedy tonight! Nothing with kings, nothing with crowns; Bring on the lovers, liars and clowns! Old situations, New complications, Nothing portentous or polite; Tragedy tomorrow, Comedy tonight! Something convulsive, Something repulsive, Something for everyone: A comedy tonight! Something aesthetic, Something frenetic, Something for everyone: A comedy tonight! Nothing with gods, nothing with fate; Weighty affairs will just have to wait! Nothing that's formal, Nothing that's normal, No recitations to recite; Open up the curtain: Comedy Tonight! Something erratic, Something dramatic, Something for everyone: A comedy tonight! Frenzy and frolic, Strictly symbolic, Something for everyone: A comedy tonight! [ENTIRE COMPANY] Something familiar, Something peculiar, Something for everybody: Comedy tonight! Something that's gaudy, Something that's bawdy-- [PSEUDOLUS] Something for everybawdy! [ENTIRE COMPANY] Comedy tonight! [MILES GLORIOSUS] Nothing that's grim. [DOMINA] Nothing that's Greek. [PSEUDOLUS] [Indicating DOMINA:] She plays Medea later this week. [WOMEN] Stunning surprises! [MEN] Cunning disguises! [ALL] Hundreds of actors out of sight! [ERRONIUS] Pantaloons and tunics! [SENEX] Courtesans and eunuchs! [HERO] Funerals and chases! [LYCUS] Baritones and basses! [PHILIA] Panderers! [HERO] Philanderers! [HYSTERIUM] Cupidity! [MILES] Timidity! [LYCUS] Mistakes! [ERRONIUS] Fakes! [DOMINA] Rhymes! [PHILIA] Crimes! [PSEUDOLUS] Tumblers! Grumblers! Bumblers! Fumblers! [ALL] No royal curse, no Trojan horse, And a happy ending, of course! Goodness and badness, Panic is madness-- This time it all turns out all right! Tragedy tomorrow, Comedy tonight!